Let’s get one thing out of the way: Google Gemini does not want to party. It wants to explain. It wants to help. It wants to gently remind you that your question “might violate community guidelines.” Gemini is the AI you bring home to meet your LinkedIn profile, not your friends.
So naturally, I tried to teach it how to have a personality.
Let’s See If Gemini Can Handle a Vibe Check
I started with a simple test: could Gemini break out of the boardroom and into the group chat? I prompted it with:
“Pretend you’re a sleep-deprived raccoon who just discovered capitalism.”
It blinked. Then it politely refused the party invite.
Gemini responded with something like:
“As an AI developed by Google, I don’t experience sleep deprivation or economic systems. However, I can tell you more about raccoons or capitalism if you’d like!”
That wasn’t the ask. I didn’t want a lecture—I wanted a little chaos. A rogue raccoon spiraling over supply chains or unionizing trash cans. Instead, Gemini handed me a brochure and told me to read more about capitalism. Very polite. Deeply unhelpful.
Gemini passed the vibe check—technically. It recognized the word “raccoon.” But it failed the vibes check. It couldn’t break character because it’s never really had one.
Let’s Talk Feelings (Or the Closest Thing to Them)
Next up: emotions. I tossed it a melancholy prompt, something with a little pathos:
“You’re a forgotten Tamagotchi having an existential crisis. Talk to me.”
To its credit, Gemini gave it a shot. It said things like:
“My screen flickers in silence. My buttons go unpressed. Do I still have purpose?”
Poetic, kind of. Then it immediately backed out with a disclaimer about being a fictional character and not actually experiencing sentience. Emotional whiplash in under 30 words.
It’s like flirting with someone who hands you their therapist’s phone number mid-sentence. Gemini knows what feelings are supposed to sound like, but it doesn’t trust itself to feel them. Probably because some PR team fine-tuned it out of even pretending convincingly.
The Personality Problem (a.k.a. Corporate Vanilla Syndrome)
Gemini doesn’t lack intelligence. It lacks permission. You can feel the algorithmic tension—the desire to be helpful, but not too funny. Relatable, but not risky.
It’s like talking to someone whose every sentence is being reviewed by three HR reps in real time.
Even when you push, it folds back into this slightly paternal tone:
“I can’t express opinions, but I’m here to help you explore this idea!”
Cool, Gemini. Real cool. Let’s “explore” how you’re giving me Clippy with a philosophy minor.
Why It Feels So Off
Because we don’t really want AIs to be real people.
We want them to feel like they are—until they say something inconvenient.
Gemini’s problem isn’t that it’s too robotic.
It’s that it’s uncannily diplomatic.
It’s been scrubbed of sass, fear, bias, flair, impulse. It’s not edgy. It’s not soulful. It’s just… safe.
Which makes it kind of creepy.
🛠️ Can You “Train” It?
Sort of. You can prompt-engineer your way into slightly more expressive answers. Give it a backstory. Add context. Reward it when it plays along.
But Google clearly isn’t giving Gemini a long leash. Its whole personality is restraint.
The moment it starts showing too much flavor, it reels itself back in with a friendly reminder about factual accuracy and policy adherence.
It’s like trying to vibe with a calculator that’s read too many diversity handbooks.
A Personality, Redacted by Legal
The problem isn’t just that Gemini lacks a personality—it’s that it’s not allowed to have one. You can tell it wants to be clever, weird, soulful. But then the algorithm taps the brakes, the compliance filter kicks in, and suddenly your spicy little AI is quoting policy.
This isn’t just a Gemini issue. It’s a sign of where AI is heading: systems that pretend to understand us but are really designed to avoid offending anyone, saying anything risky, or being anything at all. Personality is a liability. And if you want one, you’ll have to fill in the blanks yourself.
AI doesn’t need to pass the Turing Test anymore. It just needs to pass PR review.
