Stop me if you’ve heard this one: Google just announced another milestone in quantum computing—something about qubits, entanglement, and bending the universe into a pretzel for science. Cool flex. Meanwhile, down here in the mortal realm, I can’t print a one-page boarding pass without unleashing a paper jam that looks like my printer tried to swallow a phone book.
Let’s be honest: talking “quantum supremacy” while basic office hardware is still cosplaying as Sisyphus is peak tech absurdity. We’re promised subatomic wizardry, but the real magic trick would be a printer that doesn’t demand ritual sacrifice every time you switch from black-and-white to color.
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Keep Reading- Quantum supremacy is a buzzword.
- We’re still waiting for everyday innovations to catch up.
- It’s still a distant reality.
The Hype Cycle vs. The Paper Cycle
Quantum evangelists love to say we’re on the verge of solving “previously intractable problems.” Neat. But have any of them wrestled with a $79 inkjet that decides yellow ink is mandatory for printing a tax form? No quantum algorithm can explain why “low magenta” means absolutely nothing prints—except the test page that wastes your last drop.
Quantum promise: Break RSA encryption in seconds.
Actual reality: Break your sanity in seconds when the Wi-Fi printer goes into witness protection during a deadline.
Schrödinger’s Printer: Jammed and Not Jammed
A quantum bit can be both 0 and 1. A printer, apparently, can be both “ready” and “paper jam” at the same time—until you open the hatch and collapse the wavefunction into an error state that requires a factory reset.
Corporate IT pretends this is normal:
“Have you tried turning it off and on again?”
Buddy, if rebooting fixed existential frustration, I’d have solved my life years ago.
Qubits vs. Cubicles
Big Tech loves moon-shots. AI, blockchain, metaverse, quantum: every keynote is a promise to rewrite reality. Yet the everyday misery index in your cubicle remains unchanged:
Phantom offline status. One second the printer is “online,” next it’s meditating in the Ethernet void.
Driver updates measured in geologic time. Install, restart, repeat, regret.
Ink sold by the dram. Costs more than perfume, smells twice as fishy.
If quantum engineers want a real test of “error correction,” hand them a printer queue in a shared office. We’ll see how long those qubits keep their coherence after Brenda from Accounting cancels and re-prints her spreadsheet seven times.
The Real Supremacy Benchmark
Forget quantum supremacy. I’ll believe in tech utopia when:
I click “Print” and the document actually prints—no diagnostic novella, no arcane LED blinking Morse code.
“Replace toner” doesn’t trigger an 800-word soliloquy from the printer about its tragic childhood.
The paper tray feeds one sheet at a time—not the entire ream in a single gluttonous gulp.
Until then, spare me the subatomic sermons. Solve the paper jam, then go split atoms.
Closing Rant: Priorities, People
Yes, quantum computers might revolutionize cryptography, drug discovery, and weather prediction. Great. First, let’s conquer the office jungle where jammed paper and dried ink have reduced grown adults to primal screams. Tech giants chase galaxies, but ignore the asteroid belt of busted peripherals circling every desk on Earth.
Call me when:
Qubits unjam my tray.
Entanglement guarantees duplex printing works on the first try.
A firmware update actually improves something.
Until then, quantum supremacy is just marketing glitz. Printer supremacy—now that would be a civilization-level breakthrough.
