Your voice can be distinct without being disposable: one claim, one receipt, one next step.
Thesis: Brand voice is a spice. Slop is the stew you dump it into when you’re scared to say anything. This piece is about the tradeoff: how to keep voice sharp without drowning it in hedges, clichés, and “social tone” filler that reads like it was engineered by a committee of inspirational mugs (lore vs receipt).
If you want numbers with your outrage, the Slop Index exists for a reason. Run your copy. Look at the receipts. Then come back and we’ll clean the voice without sanding off the truth.
Voice is a knife. If it isn’t cutting a claim, it’s cosplay.
Receipts beat vibes. One number + one next step will outwork five buzzwords.
Kill the pudding. Ban 12 phrases, use the 6-line scaffold.
The Four Horsemen of Brand Slop
If your paragraph could be pasted into any competitor’s site without anyone noticing, that’s not brand voice. That’s a public-domain lullaby.
Start by de-jargoning without dumbing it down—kill the buzzwords without sanding off meaning.
Quick Diagnostic (5 lines, 60 seconds)
Use this scaffold on any paragraph:
If your copy can’t pass that in under a minute, your “voice” is performing while your message starves. For a live tool version, hit Prompt Diagnostics (coming from /facts soon) or run the passage through Slop Index and watch the hedges light up.
The Tradeoff Table
One axis is voice heat (how “you” it sounds). The other is slop load (how templated and non-actionable it is). Your job is the top-left: hot voice, low sludge.
| Zone | What it feels like | Fix (one move) |
|---|---|---|
| A. Distinct & Sharp High voice / Low slop |
You, but useful. Concrete nouns, specific verbs, receipts. | Add one number and one next step. |
| B. Distinct & Gooey High voice / High slop |
You, but sticky. Hedgy hype, long intros, “we’re thrilled.” | Replace opener with a 20-word answer. |
| C. Bland & Efficient Low voice / Low slop |
Useful, forgettable. Plain language, zero flavor. | Add one product-tied metaphor (no confetti). |
| D. Corporate Pudding Low voice / High slop |
Nobody talking forever. Buzzword soup, no evidence. | Cut 30%, then apply the 6-line scaffold. |
Want to see “pudding” in the wild? Check the Open World UX captures on confirmshaming and misdirection. The copy is brand voice cosplay: confident, vague, and optimized for inertia.
Signals Your Brand Voice Turned to Slop
If two or more hit, stop arguing with me and paste your text into Slop Index. Then fix it using the next section.
Keep the Voice, Kill the Sludge (7 rules that won’t neuter you)
Claim > Vibe.
Lead with the thing you can defend in one sentence. Vibe after.
Ban List.
Write a 12-word kill list and enforce it (e.g., innovative, seamless, empower, unlock, robust…). Put it in your CMS linting or pre-commit text checks.
One Metaphor per Page.
Make it brand-specific (no “journeys,” please). Reuse it across the page so it becomes a motif, not confetti.
Receipts in the Margins.
Numbers don’t need to be perfect; they need to be verifiable. “Cut onboarding steps from 14 → 8.” Link to a short or a screenshot when possible. See Shorts for 30-second proof culture.
Noun Budget.
If your nouns are mostly containers (solution, platform, experience), your copy is air. Replace two with concrete things (button, invoice, dataset, outage).
Decision Targeting.
Every section should move one decision forward. If not, delete the section.
Apology Muscle.
If you make a claim and later change it, fix the words like an adult. The Apology Rewriter is for when “we’re sorry” needs bones.
Before/After (Brand Voice Intact, Slop Removed)
Before (landing hero):
We’re thrilled to introduce our innovative, AI-powered platform that empowers teams to create with confidence. Unlock seamless workflows today.
After (20 words + proof + next step):
Ship clear drafts in half the time. We flag hedges, clichés, and uniform paragraphs, then tell you what to fix. Run your text → Slop Index
Why this works: same voice energy, zero pudding. Concrete verb (“ship”), audience (“your text”), mechanic (flag + fix), and a next step.
House Style That Survives Legal (and Algorithms)
FAQ (the human kind, not the padding kind)
Isn’t brand voice how we stand out?
Yes. But sameness hides inside the how you sound, not what you say. If the claim is mush, the voice is cosplay.
What if we’re in a “serious” industry?
You should be clearer, not duller. Regulators read, too. Clarity is safer than decoration.
Won’t this hurt our SEO?
You mean keyword soup? No. Specific nouns and actionable verbs generate long-tail queries you actually want. Let crawlers discover meaning; don’t throw glitter at them.
Field Notes (use these immediately)
When in doubt, ask: “What changes after they read this paragraph?” If the answer is “nothing,” the paragraph is decorative. Decoration is how slop sneaks in wearing your brand colors.
Where to Go Next (bring receipts or don’t bother)
Bottom line: Voice is a knife. Slop is the sheath. Stop swinging sheaths at problems. Cut something.
