Spoiler: Humanity remains undefeated at wasting potential.
Update (Sept 28, 2025): Added Meta’s Vibes feed to the shortlist and a new Honorable Mentions table. Yes, this belongs on any list of the most ridiculous AI products of 2025.
0. Meta’s Vibes Feed — AI Slop as a Service
A contender for the dumbest AI-powered product: an infinite reel of synthetic micro-clips where loopability beats meaning. Cute prompts, zero thesis, engagement as hypnosis. Why it’s dumb: trance-time extraction wearing a creativity badge.
See also: Meta’s Vibes Feed Is a Slop Cannon
1. The Smart Fork That Judges Your Bites
Let’s start with the fork. Yes, the fork. Equipped with sensors and “intelligent feedback,” this $99 utensil vibrates if you eat too fast. Somewhere in a lab, someone said, “You know what would make mealtime better? Passive-aggressive silverware.”
This isn’t about health. It’s about surveillance culture wrapped in silicone. You’re not eating wrong; you’re just not living up to your fork’s expectations. Because in the age of AI, even your cutlery has opinions.
The Smart Fork wasn’t built to solve hunger. It was built to remind you that someone got funding for it.
2. AI That Writes Personalized Prayers
Not joking. AI-generated prayers exist—and people use them. “Dear God, ChatGPT wrote this for me.” Sure, the divine might understand your bandwidth problems, but it’s a stretch to think a templated prayer about traffic stress is the spiritual awakening you needed.
If faith is personal, why outsource it to a language model trained on Reddit and Yelp reviews?
3. AI for Writing Breakup Texts
Let’s just call this what it is: emotional ghostwriting. AI-powered breakup generators promise to “soften the blow” or “keep it classy.” Which is rich, considering they mostly churn out Hallmark-meets-PR-disaster blurbs like:
Translation: a robot just ended your relationship. Who’s next—your dog?
4. Artificial Intelligence for Identifying ‘Ugly’ Produce
Imagine scanning a banana and being told it’s unattractive. Startups are doing exactly this—using AI to classify misshapen vegetables to determine marketability.
You know what else works? Eyes. Human ones. If your algorithm has a bias against asymmetrical apples, maybe the problem isn’t the produce.
5. The Smart Mirror That Tells You You’re Tired
This AI mirror can “read” your face and suggest skincare based on your stress level. Look, if I just rolled out of bed with a puffy eye and last night’s pizza regrets still in my pores—I know I’m tired.
We used to get this information from friends. Or mirrors without attitude. But now we’ve upgraded to reflective tech that roasts you and recommends overpriced serums.
Honorable Mentions
| Product / Category | Why it’s dumb | Receipt / How to test |
|---|---|---|
| Inbox Autopilot | Writes more email than it saves; you still have to proof. | Before/after: weekly reply time ↓? If not, slop. Run their copy through Slop Index. |
| Meeting Summarizers | Transcribes noise, misses decisions; bloats docs. | Decision log present? Owner + date? If “no,” it’s theater. |
| AI Calendars That “Plan Your Life” | Rearranges blocks, ignores energy/context. | Track deep-work hours kept vs. planned. If flat, it’s cosplay. |
| Auto-Video Hype Generators | Loopable gibberish, no message. | One sentence of takeaway? None → slop. Compare watch vs. saves. |
| Brand Voice-in-a-Box | Samey tone, zero edge; says nothing new. | A/B: human 1-paragraph vs. model. If retention ≈, ditch the model. |
Why This Matters (Sort Of)
The issue isn’t the AI. It’s that we keep throwing it at problems we already solved—with etiquette, intuition, or a little common sense. The push to “AI everything” isn’t innovation—it’s just capitalism looking for a new slot machine.
Meanwhile, the important stuff? Healthcare equity, education access, ethical deployment—barely touched. But don’t worry. At least your fork is watching out for you.
